


not for you, for me

by pikasoos



Category: IZONE (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-06 20:37:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20297590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pikasoos/pseuds/pikasoos
Summary: Eunbi slips into some old habits when she meets someone from her past again. On the bright side, she has her members to remind her not to do anything stupid.Aka snippets of Eunbi sneaking around, getting caught, and evaluating her life choices tbh.





	not for you, for me

**Author's Note:**

> Written for GG Jukebox Round 1, inspired by When I Needed You by Carly Rae Jepsen
> 
> Honestly? The fandom and plot of this story kept changing so much I was driving myself nuts, then real life was a mess for the past month, but that’s not an excuse. I’m sorry for this being late, but I am thankful for the admins for organizing this fest, and for being kind enough to accommodate this fic;; This is my first IZ*ONE fic, and uh... I also apologize if anyone is out of character for this as well.

Eunbi is twenty-three when she wins seventh place on a successful survival show franchise. She feels like she’s outside her body, a bystander as the other girls on the platform hug and congratulate her. She doesn’t remember how she gets on stage, how she muddles through her speech or how she manages to see past the tears.

What she does remember is after— hugging Chaewon so tight she’s scared she’ll break the other in half, Suyun and Sohee running up towards her with wide grins, glancing around the room where her future members are with their family members.

It dawns on her that maybe this isn’t a dream after all. Maybe this is actually happening and she has the second chance she’s been looking for.

She wanders through the hall; stopping to take a few pictures with Cheetah-ssaem, chatting with Youngjun-ssaem. It’s a flurry of backstage activity now that the live show is over, and she needs to find her mother—

“Eunbi-yah?” A tentative voice calls, and she turns, fully prepared to politely tell them she’s looking for her mother when the words die on her lips.

She thinks she’s still dreaming, so she lets her nails dig into her palms in an attempt to check. The pain stings, so it must be real. She hasn’t seen this face in three years, not since her old group disbanded. She doesn’t know what to say.

“Unnie?”

What does one say when one runs into their ex-girlfriend anyway?

-

_ “Kazoo?” Her girlfriend repeats with furrowed brows, biting her lip to keep herself from bursting into laughter. Eunbi rolls her eyes, picking up a throw pillow and tossing it at her. It hits the intended target, with Hyesung yelling an indignant ‘hey!’ before aiming it for her head. _

_ Eunbi ducks in time, laughing as she takes refuge behind the kitchen counter. “You said you wouldn’t laugh.” Her tone is a bit petulant, arms folded across her chest. _

_ “I’m sorry,” The older woman says, getting to her feet so she can walk towards Eunbi, grasping her shoulders. “You can’t deny it sounds a little… out there.” _

_ “Well, yeah.” Eunbi admits, and it’s harder to pretend she’s annoyed when her girlfriend looks at her like that, all pouting lips and teasing smiles. “It’s a debut though, so it’s still something.” _

_ “More than something. I’m proud of you, and I know you’ll knock everyone’s socks off with your talent.” She tucks a lock of pink hair behind Eunbi’s ear, and Eunbi should really stop being easy like this— _

_ Her phone goes off before Eunbi can take another step closer, reaching out to pick it up and checking the notification. She grimaces when she sees the text, putting her phone back down. _

_ “Everything okay?” _

_ Eunbi nods, wrapping her arms around Hyesung’s waist and drawing her close. She tries not to think about the contents of the text, because she’s supposed to be in the practice rooms in half an hour and definitely still not in this apartment. _

_ “Everything’s fine.” _

-

It’s late when she gets back to the dorms, and she slips off her shoes as she tiptoes towards her room. She’ll chuck her clothes in the laundy, then climb into bed—

“Unnie, what are you doing?” Eunbi stifles the scream that threatens to escape her, mouth opening and closing when Hyewon and Yena stare at her from their places on the couch. Their game is paused on the television, and they manage to look completely serious even with chips in their mouths and Yena’s hair tied up like a pineapple.

“Where did we get you from?” It’s Yena who asks this time, placing the controller on the table.

“Running,” is what she decides on, and it’s a safe excuse. No one really accompanies her, not when she tends to get a little intense about it. “You two should go to sleep soon.”

Yena settles back against the couch, nodding in understanding though it doesn’t match the unsettled expression on her face. Hyewon hums in agreement, and Eunbi finds herself breathing a little easier as she heads back to her room.

She changes into her pajamas quickly, tossing them inside the laundry basket before she remembers to brush her teeth, stepping out into the hallway and accidentally bumping into Hyewon.

“Kwangbae—“ She clutches her chest at the slight shock; that’s twice in one night, damn it!

“You’re not usually this jumpy,” Hyewon’s tone is blunt, gaze boring into Eunbi’s. “Your hair was also wet when you came in. Like you washed it before you came back.”

Shit.

Eunbi feels the heat flood her cheeks, and her mouth opens to form a reply—any reply before Hyewon continues to speak, slow and sure like she’s thought this thoroughly.

“I won’t tell the others,” Hyewon continues calmly, like she isn’t about to say something that could potentially make Eunbi feel even more embarrassed. “Not now. But we’re here if you need anything, unnie. I’m here if you want to talk.”

It’s not that Eunbi doesn’t want to talk about it. She does. She just can’t come up with the words right now.

There’s a new message when she finally settles into bed, her thumb hovering above the cute sticker sent and the messages after.

_ Hyesung unnie: sent a sticker. _

_ Hyesung unnie: I had a great time. _

_ Hyesung unnie: Come over this Saturday? _

Eunbi smiles at the message, and sends her reply and a matching sticker.

It’ll be fine. Really.

-

Eunbi remembers their earlier days; the flirting, the way their hands would automatically find each other’s. The times she would head over to Hyesung’s apartment after a grueling day at practice. These are the memories she cherishes because they make her uncharacteristically sappy.

She also recalls the bits towards the end—the desperation in her as Ye-A barely made an impact, how Kiroy struggled and changed, Hyesung growing distant the closer she got to debut and eventually disappearing as her group disbanded. How she kept and remolded parts of herself to make sure her girlfriend was satisfied.

Those are the memories she doesn’t want to keep, because all she has are questions and no answers.

She tries to ask Hyesung about them, but it’s difficult when Hyesung’s lips are on her neck and her hand slips under Eunbi’s shirt. Eunbi’s own hands tug and pull at Hyesung’s clothes, not caring where they land because she just wants to touch and explore.

Her touch is the same, Eunbi thinks, and it’s like no time has passed at all.

_ Why did you leave?, _ she wants to ask, but the only sounds that escape her lips are moans and pleas for more. Just like before.

When she leaves Hyesun’s apartment that night, she can’t help but think that all the progress she’s made since Hyesung left had disappeared.

-

“You’ve been weird,” Yujin deadpans when Eunbi is about to enter her room. She can hear the conversation in the living room falter for a few seconds before picking up again. The other half of the group have already left for the night for their own dorm. “Who was that lady who showed up at the finale?”

“There were a lot of ladies at the finale.” Eunbi replies, opening the door. Yujin’s arm reaches out to block her from entering, her expression surprisingly serious.

“You looked like you saw a ghost that night. And your weird behavior started soon after.” Yujin doesn’t move, arms now folded across her chest as she moves in front of the door. “You always come back either late at night or at least an hour before manager unnie arrives if we have schedules. And don’t give me the bullshit running excuse.”

“Yujin.” She admonishes her automatically, but it does nothing to deter her dongsaeng, still blocking the door. Her shoulders slump, sighing since there seems to be no way around it. “Hyesung unnie was my ex.”

This time the living room is really quiet. The others are most likely listening in, and Eunbi doesn’t know how to feel about that. “We didn’t exactly break up on the best terms. We’re just trying to patch things up.”

Yujin exhales, and Eunbi can tell she wants to say something else. She feels guilty for making them assume the worst, but she can handle herself.

“I know you can,” Yujin adds hastily, and Eunbi doesn’t realize she’s said that aloud. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do. We just don't want you to get into trouble."

"I won't." She promises, reaching out to ruffle the young girl's hair before pushing past her so she can go to bed.

She doesn't mention the texts that have been blowing up her phone, the texts asking her to come on over, never mind the late hour and the fact that they have a filming for a CF tomorrow.

Instead, she waits for all of them to start coming in for bed, eventually falling asleep. She gives it an hour and a half before she gets up, glad that she had worn track pants and grabbing her overnight bag.

_You're an idiot, Kwon Eunbi_, she tells herself as she makes her way to Hyesung's apartment.

-

"We need to talk," Eunbi finally says, pulling away from the kiss. Hyesung stares at her in surprise before reaching out to grab a hold of her arm, trying to pull her close.

She resists, fixing the older woman with a pointed stare. "What are we, unnie?"

"What we've always been," is her reply, expression confused. "Hyesung and Eunbi."

"If we're Hyesung and Eunbi, then why did you leave?"

Hyesung is silent at the question, and Eunbi folds her arms across her chest, trying to pass off as intimidating.

A minute passes, and then another. Five minutes pass, and something clicks in Eunbi's mind that maybe Hyesung doesn't really have an answer. She gets up to retrieve her coat and her backpack, only for Hyesung's voice to call her back.

"I knew that even if I'd disappear, you'd still come back."

"You left without a word. You left when I needed you. You were never there when I needed you to be." Eunbi clenches her fists, and the familiar feelings of hurt flare up again. "Did you really expect me to take you back?"

"You're still here, aren't you?" Hyesung counters, and she's right. Eunbi is here, in her ex's apartment, thinking that if she acted like she did before, she'd get to keep Hyesung by her side. She had slipped into old habits, not necessarily good ones, because the Eunbi Hyesung knew would have risked a lot more. The Eunbi Hyesung knew was a bit more blinded by her emotions and was easily swayed by pretty words.

The Eunbi Hyesung doesn't know is the one who went on Produce for a second chance, the one who took care of the younger kids and had a bit more responsibility.

The Eunbi Hyesung doesn't know is going to be the leader of eleven other girls, and right now, she's letting her members down by thinking with her metaphorical dick and almost screwing her second chance up.

"I'm here," Eunbi says slowly, slinging her backpack over her shoulder. "But now I'd rather not be."

It's after six when Eunbi leaves, but she doesn't go back to her dorm just yet. 

For now, she's going to go on a run.

-

Eunbi trudges into the dorms two hours later, pausing when she sees that everyone is in the living room. All eleven of them.

Chaewon gets up from her spot on the couch, reaching for the backpack haphazardly slung over her shoulder. "Good run?"

"Crushed it," She replies, and she takes her seat on the floor next to Wonyoung, who hands her a bowl of the kimchi stew Chaeyeon had made. 

They all eat for several minutes, the lively chatter setting her at ease until her phone rings again. Everyone pauses when she reads the notification, and Eunbi knows what she has to do.

She presses _Block_, and sets the phone down, getting up to refill her bowl.

It's time to close that chapter in her life, and start a newer, better one.

-

Eunbi is twenty-four when she debuts again.

It’s terrifying, and she worries that she’s not good enough to lead eleven other girls for the next two and a half years. She’s strict, she can be gruff, but she tries to dole out affection in spades even if it drives her batty sometimes.

She remembers the brightness of the stage, the petals that fall as they perform  _ La Vie En Rose _ live for the first time. She recalls the tears after the broadcast ends but they’re still onstage, the relief of finally debuting palpable in all of them.

But when her members huddle around her and they hug before the familiar notes of  _ As We Dream _ play—Eunbi feels that despite her fears, maybe she can be good enough.


End file.
